The joy of cornstarch...

You know how you can look back on things and realize "Good heavens, could I have done things any worse than I did?" It seems I do that frequently. Most of the time I don't know how I could have done things differently - I just seem to think of the worst choice and go with it. Now the feeling left over most thoroughly stinks. It seems like sometimes some things in life come and go through out lives like water through our hands. Have you ever made the concoction of cornstarch and water? It is a unique substance that when you shape it and mold it continuously, it is like a solid form similar to play-dough, but wet. However, if you stop for just a second it turns more into a thick liquid. It seems there are so many situations in life that are just this way. And thus my problem comes.

I seem to get myself into new situations all the time that I'm not really sure where I stand, what I think, how I feel; Or how others stand, think and feel toward me. When this happens I seem to clam up and want to only do what I feel comfortable with. We all like to stick to what's comfortable right? Well the problem is, I form my little ball of gooey clay and suddenly realize I don't know what to do in a situation - then as much as I enjoyed and loved playing with my little ball, it's liquid and through the fingers it goes.

We have been told numerous times to "act and not be acted upon". I feel like in certain things I'm so far from even being acted upon. It would seem no action is even necessary before things seem to consistently fall out of my hands. I hope and pray that one day I'll be able to mold my clay in a positive, lasting way. To whomever reads this - God Bless you and your patience and understanding toward me. I know there has got to be a lot.