I feel like there are certain times in life that we get to have the opportunity to see just how incredibly human we are. We all have these times in life; the times that you slam on your brakes but somehow your foot found the gas pedal instead. Or when you think you should probably get gas fairly soon, but instead you drive past the inconvenient gas station only to find out the next one isn't for another 50 miles. Or the times when you try to make a situation right but you just keep making it worse no matter what you say. The list goes on forever, as mortals we are just flawed.
Why in the world do we do the things we do sometimes? Personally I know in certain situations I seem to always have the same response. Yet I seem to think somehow I'll think differently. Somehow, because certain details are different - I will change my thinking. Nope, not so.
I've thought a lot about the Atonement the last few days. Any reason to draw nearer to my Savior is a good thing to me. :)
I was reminded of an experience of playing hide and seek with my brothers and sisters at my grandparents house many years ago.
It was a hot day and we were starting to get bored. I don't know who suggested the game of hide and seek, but they were a genius. All the adults were gone for pretty much the day and Grandma and Grandpa's house was the perfect hide and seek kingdom! We hid everywhere, and every round was an adventure. At one point I started to notice a closet people would hide in and it seemed to take a very long time to find. The reason why was I was packed full of stuff. Huge thick coats - and so many if you wanted to put something more in there, you'd have to really push...hard. It was so full even if you were to look in the closet most often you would miss someone there. The only reason people were ever found was because you could see their feet. Then came my brilliant beyond brilliant plan. I would hang off the same wonderful place the hangers were to hide my feet! People wouldn't even see my hands because there was so much at the top too! It would be one of those marvelous games where people would have to give up looking for me - and they would never know where I was.
At this point, I'm sure it's fairly clear why I didn't major in physics or engineering. That day was the first day I learned what a dowel is. I held on for a little while, but as people were walking by everything collapsed. And it fell right on top of me. My first instinct was to figure out a way to put it back together - fix the problem to the best of our abilities, then tell the adults when they get home. It'll all be fine. But my dear brothers and sisters saw a very different picture. There was no way we'd be able to put it all back together. In fact, the look on their faces reflected a little more the opinion that's it's been nice having me as a sister...but... And what they had to say, I don't remember. But the shear panic in their voices suddenly made me terrified for my own life as well. All they could suggest was to hide again.
Now the game of hide and seek became a matter of life and death. I ran upstairs at the suggestion of those I love - in hopes that it was not the last time I saw them. Eventually I found the perfect spot. Under a guest bed. Not just any guest bed would do what this bed would bless me with. It was a king size bed that was low enough there was only an inch or two above my head. Now, normally this would have been a problem since I am very claustrophobic. However, even as a young child I knew my priorities. Living or anything else...I chose living. I didn't have to wait long either...or a few precious minutes felt like milliseconds considering my possible fate.
Then it happened. My uncle Steve was the first to come home. As soon as he saw my siblings making a sad attempt to put things in order, I'm sure numerous neighbors heard his questioning what happened. My heart was beating so hard and so fast I may have gone lightheaded...or it was the small space, either way I knew I had to pay attention to every detail to know what would happen to me. It all took a matter of seconds - my uncle's questioning what happened...and then that response. Not only did they say that I did it, but they told him I was upstairs! Oh the betrayal. I was honestly close to jumping out from my hiding place to put inline whoever had the audacity to rat me out so quickly. But then I heard them... steps coming up with the intent to do who knows what! I was only a little girl! I was so scared and didn't know what to do! The floor shook beneath me, if only a real earthquake would occur. At least then I would know my fate! I tried to be quite, but he must have heard my whimpering as soon as he came to the top of the stairs, because he came straight to the room I was in.
As soon as he came in, his verbalizing my name just made me hide farther under the bed. I was fully aware that if a person said your name in a tone like that it was best to just stay away. Don't worry. I was going to live out the rest of my life under that bed if needed. As the minutes past, he seemed to slowly cool down. Maybe it was the realization that I was incredibly stubborn and really would live under the bed if I had to, maybe it was the fact that this little girl was hiding under a bed that may be squishing her and all the tears and shaking that went along with the whole situation. Either way, it seemed out of nowhere, a miracle happened. He said that I was obviously sorry for what had happened. He would talk to my grandparents and offered to go downstairs and get some ice cream.
I was dumbfounded. I went from absolute terror as to what would happen as a punishment to comforting words and ice cream.
That day my uncle started to become one of my all time favorite people. Whatever he suggested as an option to do, I was up for because it always ended up being a great experience. From his just being himself, I found the joy of "Cats" and other musicals or music in general. Also, the joy of writing my thoughts and so many more things. Most of all, from him I later learned what the Atonement really means. Sometimes we do things because we think it will be a brilliant plan, but it backfires incredibly. In times we may think there is just no hope for the future, just remember this one thing. The Savior knows the intent of your heart. We make mistakes in life - sometimes like breaking things in your grandparents' home, some much more extensive. But always remember HE is there to advocate your cause. HE is there to stand in your place. HE is there to make right what is beyond your capacity to make right. And He will.
There are many things in life that we need to own up to. But for those things that are beyond our control, there is most gratefully, the Savior.
