Parenting, Why You Might Be Succeeding and Not Even Know It

Recently I had the opportunity to write a paper to submit to a newspaper.  However I know that it will not be published as it is too long.  I would need to cut it to a sixth of what I have written to have it be the acceptable length.  Because I have felt strongly about my opinions for many years, to cut it even father than what I have would be to cut out the reasons why I think these thoughts are so important.

So with my assignment submitted and article already declined, I a putting my thoughts here.

While there are many things missing, this is at the heart if my thoughts.

            Every person at one time was a child.  In case you were wondering, this is fact.  We have all grown up, or are in the process of growing, into responsible adults; thus contributing to the community, or at least that is the goal of our society.  It is a long process and unfortunately, some do not completely get there.  One possibility I have studied, has been little education in parenting and child development.  I strongly feel that there is not a widespread epidemic of bad parents, but there are many parents who are uneducated in simple things they can do (or are already doing.)
            Something to think about is how education works in our society.  Think about all the things that have required education and tests.  To drive a vehicle, we must take a course, test, and renew our proof of knowledge every few years.  People spend thousands of hours and dollars on education that will lead to a career.  There must be education for CPR, First Aide, gun safety, and even to prepare food, in which you must have proof of passing the tests. However, we bring life into the world without any requirements.  There should be a higher priority on child rearing.
            While I do not have children of my own, I have worked with children who have struggled for many years.  I have also seen many parents give up anywhere from just a few minutes to many years thinking they just do not know what to do with their child.  Frustrations come, but it seems for the general population they could decrease.  The reason why?  Many parents are already doing some of the most basic quality parenting practices, or could start today without much difficulty.
            The biggest difference between children who do well in school and those who do not so well is communication with their parents.  Parents who actually have conversations with their children instill a sense of identity and confidence in their children.  Those children also have better social skills and do better academically (since they have so much experience with language and expressing themselves).
            Surprising as it may seem, when most of the interaction with a child-parent relationship has a focus of comments like “clean your room”, “go outside”, “do your homework”, “it’s time for bed” communication, language and success is not a high priority for children.  Sometimes this communication is all that happens without us realizing it.
            When children have experiences that are positive, no matter how small, they will repeat the action to get the same result.  One basic necessity in school is reading and can be among those positive experiences.  Bedtime stories are great for increasing bonds between parent and child.  In addition, the skill of reading is seeing how the marks on a page have a universal meaning.  But what if parents work the night shift?
            A good rule of thumb is to have a child read for 20 minutes every day.  This could be anytime, anywhere.  However, for the purpose of this article I will get more specific and even easier.

I remember, as a child every day on the way home from school, or whenever the first interaction happened after school, my mother would ask me what my favorite part of the day was.  For those few minutes, my experiences were the most important thing.  At first, I did not have many good things to say.  As the questions continued, I began to look forward to telling my favorite things.  One result of this interaction was looking the whole day for something great to tell, which had an overall result in seeing life with optimism.

One question every day when it was convenient for my mother is all it took.

Another great and basic tool is music.  Music helps children in self-expression in so many ways.  They are able to move their bodies freely and be active to energetic music.  One major element in music with children is a parent who is willing to sing with them.  If a parent can teach and sing songs with their children, they can help with memory, creating bonds, and building self-esteem of both parent and child.  A little side note about building self-esteem with singing is that no talent is required, just a level of excitement.  This one act will build a child up so much, any parent can feel success to some degree in such a short interaction.

Understanding what is developmentally normal for a child is a huge help.  Knowing what kind of books or toys would be best for their age or development level can relieve questions.
            There are numerous ways to obtain this information, but again we are keeping things simple.  Talking to a local librarian about books for the age of your child would be a great place to start with age appropriate reading.  Going to the park on a weekly basis, playing games, or singing simple songs you enjoyed from childhood (or a simple internet search brings many wonderful children’s songs).  There are endless possibilities in how to gain the skills of a simply great parent.
            One foundational element in being a great parent is feeling competent as the mother or father of your child.  While there are many possible avenues to reach this goal, the greatest parents show their children their love.  As the parent, you know your child’s personality.  You know so many more details about their life than any theorist could.  Always remember your influential role.
            In the end, the most important thing for a parent to do is recognize just a few things they are doing right.  The little things go a long way.  While I have given some suggestions, remember the end goal is really just about the child feeling that they have a secure love from the adult they trust.
            Parenting is not an easy task.  At times, these little people can be incredibly frustrating.  However, few things can compare to the joy when a child shows their simple faith that with you by their side, they can conquer the world, or at least survive a scrapped knee.

My "Weakness"...Not Shoes

You know how some women have a weakness for shoes?  They just love to buy and buy shoes, and have so much shoes that they have to have a separate place just to keep them.  I know a few ladies like this, some people love clothes, there's a variety of different loves.  (Over the years scrap-booking has become one - and people have rooms in their homes just for it.)  Interesting phenomenon.  Well, I can understand their love for something like this.  But it may be a little strange...notebooks, journals, and office supplies.  Whenever I go into a store like Staples or Franklin Covey I kind of feel like the Rebecca Bloomwood in "Confessions of a Shopaholic" when she goes into a department store.  I do have more self control - or just avoid going to those stores more since they are not as populous.  One day during the Christmas break my sister said she needed to go to Staples, I was more than happy to take her.  Then as we went, she said that she could do without what she was looking for.  It was at that time I told her my love for Staples.  She had brought that excitement, and we were still going.

As we walked around Staples, I showed her all the things that were wonderful in this store.  I was so excited about all the options...and while I was looking around at this and that - showing everything, I may have teared up a little.  I don't know if it was a while that I had been there or I might have started my period soon after.  Nonetheless, I was so happy!

I also get an email from staples with various coupons.  I found what's call an arc notebook.  This is the perfect notebook!!  Notes, with to do lists, you design everything you want - the way you want it!  And if you decide you want to move something, you can move things around, no prob.  This is the case with most organizers, I realize...but this one just looks cool.

It may be a little like those great shoes or a shirt you think are amazing and realize later that it was totally a fad. When you see pictures you just wonder what you were thinking.  But sometimes if a little piece of joy is brought by what you think will bring order, I think this is good for as long as it lasts. :)

New Years Day at Smith's

It's incredible how things work when you have so much more time to do them.  I have had so many things I've wanted to write, but have forgotten most of them.

One great experience was the other day at the grocery store.  I had some coupons sent to me by Smiths-since I have a card, they sent me coupons for things I already buy.  I figured this was a great blessing since one: it was stuff that I normally get anyway, and two: some items were completely free (not even buy one get one, etc, just free.)  However, I was not really sure how I could work this at the self check out.  Thank heaven for actual people checkers.  Once I was in line I noticed that the people in front of me were getting cigarettes and it occurred to me that the only reason why people were in this line had to show identification and get items locked up.  Just then another shopper came behind me with only a large case of beer.  Not that I had anything against these people, I just thought it was funny that the only reason to actually go to a person to check out was because we all had to.

As I was checking out I was being very distracting, giving him these coupons sent to me, that coupon from a dispenser in the store, and my Smith's card to get the discount.  Then at the end of my groceries came the large case of beer.  Matt, the checker asked if this was mine as well.  The guy behind me laughed and said that I couldn't have it, and it was his.  I wondered for a second if his comment related to not wanting someone to take his beverage, or because I always look so young.  In my experience, chances are that it was the later. Which also made me smile even brighter because just earlier in the day I realized I would be turning 27 in 19 days.  It's true, I actually am getting old.  I just don't look like I am.  My new beer drinking friend did suggest that I could use my coupons on his purchase, and the man behind him suggested it could be a new year's present.  Then the first man said it could actually be a birthday present to him.  It really was his birthday, 56 years old, I believe.  That was the first moment in time I really did have a desire to have a coupon for beer.  But I didn't so I bid my new friend happy birthday and parted with a great experience in the grocery store.

What a delight life is!!! Recently we received so much snow it starts to become a little scary going downhill from classes. As I was hurrying back and forth from class to home, to campus (then realize I forgot something), back home, and up to class. I thought all this snow can be scary to fall on - and I only have so much time to get to where I need to go. What a perfect plan it would be if I were to get a sled! All the way to class a planned a whole scenario. I could strap it onto my backpack, put it aside in class (like how some guys do with their skateboards) and I could have a great trip home! I could get a longer one like I had when I was a child to make sure my backpack is safely secure. I would not have to worry about slipping and falling, I would have not concerns about getting home quickly. I'm thinking there are two things I need to get as soon as I have time: Boots and a sled.

Flowers

As I lay under my covers my mind starts to wonder, a habit that has been established in my childhood. This is the time that I have had my deepest ponderings, when I've come up with some of my greatest theories to help me see life the way that brings me the most joy. As I look over to my sweet roommate's wall with incredible pictures of flowers, I start to think of all the glorious creations we have all over the world - in flowers alone. I start to think about my previous thought that I'm positive our Mother in Heaven couldn't have sit back and watched everything, clearly she would want to be a part of it all! Flowers must have been something she had her hand in. I think about General Conference back in November, 2008. In a talk entitled Happiness, Your Heritage by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, he talks of our need to create as women. As the Lord's inspired servant, he reveals truth - and truth is eternal, without beginning or end. Our Heavenly Father knew this about our sweet Mother. How beautiful it would be if He knew this - and invited her to create flowers. Even more if they created them together. The combination of their ideas brought about such a variety that covers the globe in classic beauty. There is such variety that wherever their children would venture, there would be flowers unique to their location.

I think our souls know this is something that we remember. This is why a flower is a universal sign of friendship, love, beauty, strength, light, it could symbolize any Godly emotion - because it came from a Godly love! Even little children have an innate desire to pick flowers and bring it to their mommy because they believe it will bring her joy.

Now as I think about flowers I feel a sense of joy. While it is just my own theory, I can always have a symbol to remember the perfect love of my perfect Heavenly Parents.

My Random Bucket List

We all have aspirations in life. Here are a few of mine. : D

One day I hope to slide on a ladder at a bookstore or library like on Beauty and the Beast. I've always loved this movie because I see so much of myself in Belle. The part of the movie that she rides the latter across the wall of books, I've always thought would be like a grown-up version of a slide...though I've never done it before because I thought I would get in trouble.

In the sixth grade I met a wonderful girl that would continue to be my friend for years to come. That was about 14 years ago. One day this simply delightful friend suggested that when we get old, wrinkly and other ladies our age will have difficulty getting around, we would go sky diving. It's been something I've looked forward to ever since. I'll have to work up to not being terrified and have a heart-attack, but flying in the sky happen and all my grandchildren will be able to take pictures of their grandmother with a parachute in a crazy suit with all her skin flapping around. It'll be a great day.

I think I was probably six or seven when I found out my father served an LDS mission in England. This was the first time traveling the world became a real option in my mind. I've wanted to go there ever since.

While on the same trip, I intend on traveling to Scotland or Ireland and look for faeries. They are tricky little people, so actually finding them will be difficult. But just the act of looking would fill my soul with joy.

I would like to one day ride in a limousine with a sun roof. While driving by a group of people I want to pop out and yell some great news to everyone there like "It's my birthday!" "I'm going to get married!" "I graduated!" "I lowered my cholesterol!" Or even "I got an A!!!" Really whatever good thing happened recently would be great. I'm open to options since I don't usually have many rides in limousines.

I want to go star-gazing with a real telescope in the middle of a field where there is nothing for miles, but not just by myself. The whole experience would have to last the whole night. Just watching how the sky changes as the night progresses reminds me of when my siblings and I would sleep outside during the summer more nights than we slept inside.

I have a little bit of a secret hope that someone that I love would create something about me. There was actually a friend that I had in high school who said he wanted to write a song about me, and at the time it kind of weirded me out. But since then I've always loved when someone does that for someone. It could be a song, a painting, anything that would represent what the person means to the artist. Again, this would have to be someone that I was very close to - or I wouldn't know what to think. Something like that would just melt my heart. I'm kind of a sucker for sincerity.

I want to ride along the coast...both coasts actually. Car or bike, and for that matter I'd like to travel through Europe in some atypical way. But technically the travel through Europe is from a different list, so that's enough of that.

Just a small part of me wants to become a true Aggie, for the experience. However I'm not a huge fan of much pda; so that would be just a little conflict of interest. But there is always the exception to the rule.

I want to learn how to play Canon in D. Over time I've made a lot of process toward this goal. However since I don't really know how to play piano, every time is like starting over.

I want to witness a miracle. Like something truly miraculous. I know that little miracles happen everyday. Hearing children's laughter, seeing life begin, rainbows, interactions of kindness I know are all sent from God. I am grateful for each of these experiences because they testify everyday that there is a Loving Father in Heaven who is orchestrating a greater whole. But one day I would like to see something that is just awe-inspiring.

I kind of have had another secret goal for a number of years...don't worry about how long. But at every stage in life, I always would like to feel that I am an angel to someone. Just a consistent something that I would like to be a part of all my life.

And with that I will say my last one. Since I was a little girl there has been something that I have always looked forward to. Something that when life gets hard, I always think about this overall end desire. It is something that when I think about, it helps me to refocus my thoughts and prioritize to what is truly important and helps me to let insignificant things fall away. It is something that sometimes I dream about, something I talk to my Heavenly Father about. It is something that I can sometimes have just a little glimpse of if I strive to always be close to the spirit. It is also something that I have told very few people, and will continue to do so. Thus I will not tell it on my blog! : D

Running

I really like running. I also really like doing things with people. My logical thought has been, there are many of my friends who like to run too - lets do it together! I couldn't figure out why in the world I ended up not enjoying it as much as I had in the past. I enjoyed the company, but not the run at all. Eventually a few of us started running around a track with the disclosure that everyone run at their own pace. I loved this. Not because I could go at my own pace - in fact I realized how much I wanted to go faster and would still probably not stay caught up with people. In the end I realized I like running as me time. Not just me, but me and my Father in Heaven time. Sometimes I slow to just a walk, sometimes I just run without much to discuss with Him. But that time I feel is important and when I miss it - or go to the gym with music blaring - I don't feel as complete as other times. In the end, I just need my sacred time to ponder and learn.

I think we all need some pondering time. A time where we can just put everything aside and feel close to our maker. We need that time to energize us to move forward and do what we need to. If I have ever in the past - or in the future not seemed very excited to join anyone in running, please understand. As much as I would love to, I can't. I need my sacred time! So do we all!!

If there's one thing I would encourage people to do, it's to find an activity to bring you closer to Him. A lot of people go to the temple, some read scriptures, pray, attend church, meditate, etc. I think these are all excellent. I think these are all things that should continue to be done. But if for whatever reason there you still feel you need a break from your days, find something that can work for your needs...like the extra dose of endorphines!