Oh dear, dear blog. How I enjoy you.

Since Sunday I started to track myself to visually see how I was doing with certain things I've wanted to accomplish. It started with just making sure I pray every morning and night, and read my scriptures everyday. Then I started to mark in a separate Book of Mormon each reference to the Atonement and example of showing love for family, or showing what Love and Charity really means. It's been insightful. So far I've found one page that didn't talk show love - it could have been that I was too tired for insight, it could have been there really wasn't something. But I've learned a lot. Love, Charity and the Atonement are so intertwined that to truly live one, we inevitably live all. Now I also have charts to mark where I've read in the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Bible (New Testament and Old Testament separate). Over the time of just one week I've realized a greater light and spirit in my life. The prophet Alma tells his son that it is by small and simple things that great things happen (1). It's amazing how true this is. What a blessing we have to just do little things and see miracles unfold.

Yesterday was my final day working with an afterschool program. Oh how I love and adore those children. I think back to the first day I started. It was so rainy and so hard to remember so many names! Over the course of the year there were times that I was amazed how dramatic some of these children could be. But at the end of the day it was not hard to see the divine nature within these wonderful children. They have such incredible potential for life. While there were numerous examples, one that I thought of was Chris. He came in the last session with such crazy hair, and a personality to match. Toward the end, for about two or three weeks he would ask me if I was a tweep or a qwatawatawoo. I would try to come up with different answers all the time, but in the end he and his friends would always inch toward me saying that they love to eat (whatever my response was). It was fascinating to see that his friends had already come for the whole year, but when he came in, it wasn't hard for him to have a following. Over time three boys seemed to flock to him - even if not as much to each other, but certainly to him. I thought about maybe why this was the case.

My answer?

There was no doubt he was a true friend that would always be inviting and happy to see them. With all his unique quirks and appearance that may not be accepted as "cool", HE knew who he was. He enjoyed his life and was happy to accept those who wanted to join in his never-ending craziness. It was always a joy to see him. I strongly believe he will be one of those people to always have the admiration of quality people. Indeed, I feel he has one of those personalities to do amazing things in life.

What blessings we have all around us!! It never ends if we will be open to the blessings! There are those rare personalities that we are just drawn to because they are incredible. It is my hope that we can always appreciate them for what they are, one of the greatest tender mercies we have. Because these are the people who help us remember who we are, where we are going, and why we are going there. These people help us to remember how to keep our feet on the ground, and never forget the joy we can have in the little details of life.

1. Alma 37:6

"Look how she lights up my life...my darling, my Evangeline." -- Sung by Ray, From The Frog Princess

Lately I've watched this movie a few times with friends. I've also talked to others about dating, what it means, how to do it better, etc. While I've learned there are not many set rules, there are things that can be done better. While watching this movie last night, I started thinking about a few things. While it seems a slow and steady process, I'm gradually moving toward the direction of thinking there is great benefit in what prophets and apostles encourage us to do - not that I didn't before, it just hadn't sunk into my soul.

Little sweet Raymond had such a sweet heart, he talks to "his Evangeline" and has such faith in her. At one point he sings about his love for her. By the end of his song I have a secret hope that everything will work out, and they can be together - every time. Now granted, it's a give and take that is a little different. Some may even say that it's a one sided relationship. And if it weren't for the very end I would say that's very true. But looking at things a little more closely, he's happy. Every night she is shining brightly - and twinkling with his serenading. In the end, they are holding hands. He's happy and an example of looking at things with a bright hope.

Now, turning to Mamma Ody. She sings about digging deeper - and finding not what we want, but what we need. First she talks to Prince Naveen about money. She comments that it didn't make him happy before, why would it make him happy in the future? He needs to find purpose, and go at it with who he loves. Next she talks to Tiana. She starts by talking about why she's so focused on working toward getting her restaurant. Tiana's daddy had a lot of love in his heart, all the time. As his daughter, what he had, she has in her too. Working hard is great - and very important. However, Tiana was not living her life with joy because she was so focused on one thing. (Again - if she wasn't happy working hard all the time, would it make her happy once she owned a restaurant?)

I'm starting to think in the end all that truly matters is how we love. As much as we (or at least certainly me) don't want people to know deep into our souls, how can we truly progress? Maybe that's why I'm writing this on my blog where nobody usually wonders to. But really - to be able to do all in our power to bless and lift another who does the same; to know in our heart that we would be willing to do as much as possible to help another reach back to their Heavenly home as they want the same for you; to one day just be able to feel a deep sense of love and charity and wholeheartedly be able to tell that person your feelings - and not be something to think about; to be able to dance with someone and feel like the whole world around you disappears, all that's left is just you and this wonderful person who seems to be send from Heaven - and just adores you for who you are.

Personally I've seen many sides to relationships - I've even seen the side, frequently, of the belief that it just won't happen in this life.

I started to believe a few of the most important parts of dating are: Someday something will happen. It will be magical, and it will be well worth the wait and frustration. I also believe that avoidance only decreases ability. Being scared is normal. But to avoid because of inadequate skills only makes things worse. I'm certain I'm not the only one who has many people (from well known, to just met) tell me all the great things about me, that I have a lot of love to give, what kind of wonderful wife and mother I'll be, etc, etc. But in the end I've shocked many because I did not get engaged my first year in college, did go on a mission rather than get married, and on and on. In the end I'd started to think with everyone saying these things, and reality being so far from it...what in the world is wrong with me??

Probably numerous things. :) But I think the biggest hurdle is not having fear take over. Toward the beginning of this semester I had to write a goals paper. I had to come up with three different kinds of goals, and since I would be putting so much thought and effort into this paper, I wanted to come up with ones that would actually be helpful to my life. The year long goal: overcome my fear of dating. We just can't control what happens to us, but we can certainly choose how to respond and what we learn.

I'm still learning.

But I believe I'm improving.

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Salvation and Exaltation

LDS.org - Ensign Article - Salvation and Exaltation

Today I wrote a six page paper subsequent to an interview on balancing work and family. In learning from this class, I've thought a lot about what it means to balance work and family relationships and be happy. I've noticed a lot of things all around me that testify of great relationships and how to be a part of them. From movies to friends, even in the process of buying a car I'm realizing how important it is to first think what it is you want - THEN move forward in the direction to achieve it. To quote the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland, "If you don't know where you're going, it doesn't matter where you end up!"

I knew so much of what I didn't want, that the hope of what I did want was hard to think could be reality.

I remember one sweet and beautiful couple in my mission. She was a long-time faithful member of the church, but he was not. He had met with the missionaries quite a bit and they always had them in their home for dinner at least once a month. Their son was a wonderful contributing member of the ward, but he was just closed to the idea of becoming a member. One day my companion and I had dinner in their home when he left the room for a while to take care of something. This sweet sister talked to us about how he just didn't think he was enough to make the kind of commitments in the church. She told us about how he was always so willing to serve anyone in anything, we saw how kind and wonderful a person he was, and he always supported her in all her church activities. The last thing she said until he came back was how every night she kneels beside the bed to say her prayers, he holds her hand in silence until she's finished.

At the time my thought was what an amazing person he was, there's no reason he should feel inadequate. The Holy Ghost would only bless his life, so it was sad that he couldn't see the greatness inside of him to put aside his concerns and just have the faith to move forward.

I didn't see, however, one incredible gospel truth about marriage until now. It's important to be moving forward in the same direction in a marriage. Generally speaking, they were. But even more important is the option to have differences of opinion and still love. I can only imagine how hard it would be to know I'm not sealed to my husband in this life. But there are a lot of things in this life that are hard. The fact of the matter is we do the best we can in this life. They were happy and loved each other so incredibly much, even before this story. After I realized that true love always goes deeper than what you can see from an outsider's perspective.

Once I had a class about church history that unfortunately I didn't get much from because I mostly went to feel a calm in my day - or I would frequently skip class to finish homework. But there was one comment that I've always come back to when thinking about those I date. He exhorted the sisters to find their Joseph and the brethren to find their Emma. He said to think about what this means to us and to always move in a direction to find them. Again, at the time I thought differently than I do now. This lesson really struck me and I committed to myself that I would do just that. I was looking for a person strong in testimony, charity, charisma, etc. Now, these are indeed very good things. But I think now this means a little more find a person who you know you both will always be there to support and lift one another. A person who you feel you want and can be your best self with because its easy to do so.

I know there are so many more things I just don't know about how to succeed in relationships. But I'm learning - which is really the whole point right?

I guess sometimes we are a little like the wonderful sister who does what is usually expected; and sometimes we are a little like the amazing brother who is not sure we can do what is asked, but support those who are trying - in the end we all just do the best we can, that's all that is asked of us anyway.

Family Gems - More Diligent and Concerned at Home

For about a year and a half now I have received a subscribtion to my e-mail called "Family Gems". I started because this has always been something that I love learning about - though I haven't read them as often as I would have liked. I happened to see one today and thought it was great.

Bearing of Testimony Should Take Place in Our Homes

"We...can become more dilegent and concerned at home by bearing testimony to those whom we love about the things we know to be true by the witness of the Holy Ghost....Within the walls of our own homes, we can and should bear pure testimony of the divinity adn reality of the Father and the Son, of the great plan of happiness, and of the Restoration."

David A. Bednar, "More Dilegent and Concerned at Home," Ensign, Nov. 2009, 18-19

Topics: Testimony


Following the link to the talk was a great reminder from this past conference.  What a blessing it is to have inspired leaders to point out simple truths that we sometimes forget.